Wednesday, September 21, 2011


So a combination of losing my lawn service (he got another job) and an end to the drought made Quinn comment the other day that our grass was getting really long.  You know it's bad when your four-year-old points out exactly what you've chose to ignore.  I've had so many offers for help that I was waffling on what to do.  So I decided to tackle it myself because hey, I've never mowed a lawn, and it can't be that hard, right?  Besides, everyone should do it once.  So here are my observations after mowing the lawn for the first time (And yes, it's okay to laugh and the comments are open for mocking):

  1. Always start in the backyard so that your embarrassing attempts at starting the lawnmower and your obvious lack of expertise about exactly how to maneuver the lawnmower do not become dinner table conversation for the neighbors.
  2. If the self-propelled feature is no longer working on your lawn mower, then you do not need to go to the gym beforehand or for the next several days if there are hills in your yard.
  3. When your husband mentions that the self-propelled feature isn't working (years ago) and says he needs to get it fixed, don't just smile and nod.  Make sure he follows through just in case you need to mow the lawn someday.
  4. If you accidentally run your lawnmower into mulch, you might want to close your mouth and duck because it flies everywhere, or at least that's what I've heard.
  5. Moles really are as evil as Emmett said they were.
  6. Rather than mowing a hill full of mole tunnels (see #5) that is enclosed by fences on two sides and bushes on a third, just give up and buy a goat.
  7. Mowing grass is much more satisfying when your lawn is thick and lush (the backyard) rather than when it looks like a bald man's combover (the front yard).  Now I know why Emmett was obsessed with planting grass seed last fall.  It's all dead now thanks to the summer.
  8. Thin strips of tall grass between two nicely mowed isles are not chic.
  9. And how in the world does that one blade of grass that's two feet tall survive multiple mowings? No idea.  It's still out there in the back yard.
  10. Watch out for low hanging branches waiting to assault the innocent head passing by.
  11. Artificial turf was a genius idea.
I enjoyed mowing the lawn because it made me feel awesomely powerful, and I had such a good laugh at my own expense.  But now I'm completely ready to do my part in stimulating the economy and find a lawn service.


  1. Justin's parents call those blades that manage to avoid being cut "holidays"... Don't know exactly why, but apparently even the grass needs a holiday now and then :)
    I most certainly did laugh out loud! Thank you! I'm also grateful that my parents made me take my turns in cutting the grass...

    Oh, and you can laugh at me... Having never had a self-propelled mower in my 15 yrs of experience cutting the grass, I attempted to cut the grass with the one Justin just bought while he was out of town... When he asked me how it ran and if I felt like I had just "taken a walk" instead of getting the full body workout, I told him he was crazy and that it didn't feel any different. Dummy here followed the directions printed so nicely on the side of the engine, but NO WHERE did it say to pull on those levers while you were mowing to activate the self-propeller!!!!!!! I tell you, it's not on there!!! So, with a new self-propelled lawn mower, I propelled it with my self :)

  2. I used to be ashamed that I had never mowed a lawn in my life, seemed a little wussy to not have even done it once. But, well, sounds like I'm not missing much (or I am missing much, but not much that will be missed). I'm just hoping not to kill the lemon tree I bought (water weekly? who has time for that nonsense?)

  3. I'm in the "never mowed a lawn" club and I plan to remain a card-carrying member. If you need the name of my lawn guy (reasonably priced and does a good job), let me know.

  4. Much like your friend, I bought a self-propelled mower and failed to find out how the self-propel feature is activated. Thus, an entire summer of Allison-propelled mowing. I felt SO DUMB when I finally discovered the magic lever.

  5. That's great. Laughed out loud the whole time. Just mowed our ginormous yard yesterday. Only got done with half of it. And I experienced many of those things. I'll smile to myself tomorrow as I finish the rest. Don't blame you one bit for trying that experience and then passing the job on to someone else. # 8 is hilarious to me, b/c I found myself wondering yesterday if I could find a way to make that possible.

  6. Too cute! I am totally impressed, but I agree--time for a lawn service! Who wants to waste precious time mowing grass (besides the people who get paid to do it for a living)?