Crutches

My life has entered one long, awful episode of The Twilight Zone for Single Mothers.  If you haven't guessed from the title, I'm now on crutches because of a bad sprain that won't allow me to put weight on my left leg.  But let's not bother with how I got the injury, let us focus rather on what I have learned thus far in my adventures.  You can let your imagination figure out how I learned these tidbits.

1 - Hikers are quite possibly the nicest people on the planet.  Because not only will they tote your 40 lb bag the half mile down the trail to your car, they will pretend to enjoy the experience.

2 - If you happen to be out of meds when you are injured out in the wilderness, find the rock climbers.  They are quite happy to share their prescription pain killers.  Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

3 - Of these three things: elevate your ankle, ice your ankle, and drive a car, at most, two of them can be done simultaneously.

4 - It is possible to check your son for ticks and give him a bath while hopping on one foot.

5 - It is also possible to check your dog for ticks and give her a bath while hopping on one foot.

6 - However it is NOT possible to check yourself for ticks and take a shower while hopping on one foot.

7 - The only clue that I'm not actually in The Twilight Zone is that I have amazing friends who

a. don't blink an eye when I text them a picture of my ankle and ask them if I should be concerned.

b.  go buy me crutches when I find even crawling too painful.

c.  take my kid for the night.

d.  take me to the ER because I'm crazy and stay with me.

8 -  If dinner can't be carried to the table in a ziploc bag held between your teeth, then dinner is not going to happen.

9 - All beverages must have tightly sealed lids and handles or otherwise be drunk straight from the container while standing at the fridge.

10 - Those cute little Batman toys scattered across the living room floor are a minefield of future ER visits waiting to happen.

11 - X-ray technicians still derive vast amounts of pleasure from asking you to bend and contort the only part of your body that is actually hurting.

12 - You've been to the ER too much when you recognize your attending doctor as one who treated your husband once or twice.

13 - There is no end to the number of things you can carry with your teeth.  just sayin...